Koffers' ROFLs

Read from start to finish, it is so worth it.

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 08:57:48 -0400

Read from start to finish, it is *so* worth it.

I think they forgot to mention Snow White is stuck in a Ket...

Tue, 01 May 2012 04:38:24 -0400

I think they forgot to mention Snow White is stuck in a Ket Hole.

cooldesignerdude: MEH MERKSHERKS!

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 05:36:02 -0400

cooldesignerdude:

MEH MERKSHERKS!

punsonnuns: This is the bestest meme there is right now.

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 05:35:49 -0400

punsonnuns:

This is the bestest meme there is right now.

I'm Comic Sans ASSHOLE

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:46:00 -0400

Below is an ode to the much derided Microsoft font Comic Sans. Read it from start to finish because it almost made me defecate with laughter. Also, the irony that I can’t actually format this post in Comic Sans because of my douchey Tumblr theme is not lost on me.

BY MIKE LACHER

Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.

You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.

People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.

When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.

It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.

Best photo ever?

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:39:21 -0400

Best photo ever?

“You’re only an alcoholic if you go to...

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 08:32:33 -0400

“You’re only an alcoholic if you go to meetings.” A philosophy not dissimilar to “It’s only gay if you push back.”

Found on the Amazon UK page for Veet Hair Removal cream.

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:26:28 -0400

Found on the Amazon UK page for Veet Hair Removal cream.

“Mmmm precious food. thanks Buddy!”

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 08:44:32 -0500

“Mmmm precious food. thanks Buddy!”

Ranch Dressing is the tastiest massage oil

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:33:58 -0500

Ranch Dressing is the tastiest massage oil

Ultimate Rick Roll

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 11:04:00 -0500

Ultimate Rick Roll

All the ‘What my friends think I do’ memes that have...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 10:29:11 -0500

All the ‘What my friends think I do’ memes that have been doing the rounds just got pwned.

Hey, a freebie’s a freebie. (via @filthy_richey)

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:10:24 -0500

Hey, a freebie’s a freebie. (via @filthy_richey)